


Poetry Collection

by CasTheButler



Series: The Burning Of Alexandria [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: LGBTQ Themes, Mental Health Issues, Metaphors, Mythology - Freeform, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Poetry, Prose Poem, Symbolism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 19:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16919121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasTheButler/pseuds/CasTheButler
Summary: A variety of poetry originally posted on tumblr.





	1. Little Lost King

Little Lost King, don’t you know your throne is merely a chair.

No one cares about the tooth growing in your heart that you use to devour your enemies.

You can scrub away your tiredness as hard as you want, but the bruises will remain etched on your skin.

Little Lost King, we can’t find your vital signs.

Was it the compassion or the cruelty that made you this way, vampire, zombie, ghost.

A foreign body in your kingdom.

Little Lost King, come home, come home. Your bed is still here for you to rest your head.

You have people to help you rise, pull yourself together.

Long may you reign.


	2. Icarus To Apollo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Icarus writes a letter to Apollo

People say it’s your fault I fell from grace,

But I was the one who wanted to bury myself in your heat.

The light of your smile the weight of your hands.

I was chasing salvation. Worship.

Longing to be in your arms,

Yet you could never come down to earth.

People say you were cruel,

You were not, my love, you were not


	3. Apollo To Icarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apollo Writes A Letter To Icarus

My love, am I the sun?

Will you reach me with wax wings?

Am I too harsh to look at,

Will the shadows we create make it better.

I’m sorry I missed so many messages,

You flew by me as I sank down the horizon.

I’m seeing you from afar, reaching, reaching, reaching.

I’m so proud of how high you fly, beauty in a silhouette.

Please don’t be angry I can’t catch you, I tried."


	4. on the 24th of September, I ran away to fairyland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I still go to the cafe this was inspired by, still not convinced it ISN'T fairyland.

I stumbled upon the fae this morning, or perhaps this afternoon?

I wasn’t sure at first, no one ever is,

But it was the feeling of being in a time slip, as though I could be messaging my friend’s from anywhere from the 1920’s to the 1970’s

The fae were friendly, they are friendly with bright smiles, I have not left.

Their Cafe is nestled between nothingness, practically under the railway bridge.

I am the new thing in this space but they seem to enjoy having me.

A fae child stains their lips with berries

And the one who has not quite stolen the likeness of Lily Allen flits about the tables and chairs on air.


	5. What Is Your Deepest Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The exploration of sex, desire & romance (or in some cases the lack thereof)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, there are mentions of sex in this.

Sex is like alcohol.

Intoxicating.

It feels good after a few.

You don’t particularly care for it.

Sometimes, you don’t like who you are afterwards.

 

Sex is a step.

Something that happens next.

It follows on, it follows on.

Shouldn’t it? Logically.

 

Sex is love.

No.

Love makes things better.

It’s not based upon sexual desire.

 

Desire is,

Open lips, closed legs.

One step at one time.

Not diving into an ocean you can’t feel.

 

Attraction is understanding yourself.

Your feelings.

Not falling for punishment you’re not owed,

For not knowing external rules.

 

Change is allowed.

You’re not the you of yesterday.

Let your fingers curl into your lovers.

You’re safe from the past and the future.

 

Change is inevitable.

Not to be feared,

You can love yourself, or someone else.

It’s okay if you do, or you don’t.

 

Sex is passionate, and wild.

Free.

You can take it.

You can leave it on the shelf.

Only you know enough to decide.

 

Desire is fulfilling.

Sought after.

Like your favourite food,

Consumed when you most want it.


	6. Things They Never Told You About Adulthood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously.

i. Boiling an egg at one in the morning is terrifying.  
Why are you doing that?  
Go the fuck to sleep.

ii. Opening a bank account is easier than you think it will be,  
They’ll even send you a card.  
You probably shouldn’t have this much responsibility.

iii. Never, ever lose a job.  
Cling tightly to those things you hate,  
A little suffering is worth it, isn’t it?

iv. You will always be tired.

v. People haven’t stopped telling you, you’re wrong yet.  
You are flawed and broken,  
You throw it in their faces by staying upright. Your head held at eye level.

vi. You will fall into a love that promises to last forever.  
It will not be what you are expecting.  
Try not to ruin it. You deserve to be happy.

vii. Things don’t measure up properly.  
This is not wonderland.  
It’s hard to believe you made it this far past the curtain.

viii. Maybe you begin to like your parents again.  
Maybe you don’t.

ix. Answering the phone never stops being a chore.  
breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breath -

x. You can do anything that you want to.  
If only you’d put your mind to it.  
The problem is you don’t really want to


	7. Honestly I'm Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My friend told me about my gender identity. I got a little annoyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have the girlfriend now, but it's not particularly important to the nature of the poem

I have this friend you see.

Who I love dearly.

But next time she tells me about my own identity.

I might react violently.

but, but, but this and but, but, but that.

I am a whole person. I can have more than one hat.

“Oh did you hear? she is butch now,”

These words on repeat are pow-erful.

With my girlfriend, I am sapphic

With a cute boy, I am gay.

These feelings are conflicted

What can I say?

I am not a woman, though I accept those parts of me

I am not a man, though I’d rather be called he.

and I know that you are confused. unsure of the right words.

My advice to you. Just respect the territory.


	8. This Isn't What You Think It Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the biggest lies are the ones people create out of our words. We are not always knowable, especially not to wandering hands

They said they liked me when my voice was crisp,  
Like a morning on the beach, the breeze coming in from the sea.

 

The others said I was better as a Ronan Keating song,  
Silent as the midnight sun.

 

You said you liked me for my raw honesty,  
When every sound I uttered was a lie forced out from the pit of my stomach.

 

The stranger said I should be knowable,  
Not with words, but grabbing hands.

 

Doesn’t the stranger have the right to know you? asked the sky,  
And I dropped it sending it straight into the ocean, on the same early morning as before.

 

This isn’t that and that isn’t this huffed the sky,  
splashing about trying to drag itself upwards.

 

It couldn’t manage and it disappeared into the depths,  
I wept for the sky, gazing up into the vast emptiness it had left behind.

 

I offered up torn jeans and an old t-shirt as sacrifice,  
waiting on hands and knees to be returned to the world that only existed inside of me.

 

I left discouraged,  
I discovered the sky staring down at me from the rooftops, a changed person

 

I understand now, I understand, the sky said  
you are knowable only to yourself and one person I never hope to meet


	9. The World Isn't Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I pretend I am a god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly half-way through this got a little inspired by Neil Josten from The Foxhole court

I followed the fox up the river,

Behind the rose-coloured fog

I was revered as the youngest deity of bad mistakes.

The wolf pulled me roughly from the grave where I lay,

And ran screaming at the bloodstains in my mouth.

The deer speared me with its antlers,

If only to help throw me onto its back and it told me:

‘it’s okay, everything is fine,  
You can wash away the fever sweat dripping off your skin.  
It’s not your fault you choked on the smoke,  
They shoved into your lungs.’

I can still hear the world yell run rabbit run.

When have I ever done what I was told?


	10. Lost Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the children of friendships and relationships that don't last.

Oh child,  
You never were mine

But smile bright and heart warm.  
Watching you grow.

For a single moment,  
I could have once allowed myself to believe

I wasn’t there when you were born  
You came into my world already in full existence

Straight away I loved you, I love you still.

I went away a while  
You won’t remember but I was so upset  
Not with you never with you.

I came back, I worked it out, I felt untruths,  
But I loved you, I still love you

I spent years pretending I’d forgiven things

Oh child,  
you never were mine,

I was just a placeholder.  
I was told I was given options,  
after decisions had already been made.

I loved you and I love you still  
But I don’t think I can come back now


	11. The Elemental Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's like, symbolic yo.

He is covered in the ashes of broken dreams,  
The fire he attends with scarred hands offers no solace.

From the bleeding lips, dripping in his mother tongue.

He can hear sirens of a far away ocean,  
Begging him to dive into the depths  
Although he’s never seen the waters his heart aches to belong to them.

Air in his lungs swells his chest but still, he is gasping.  
Filled with bitter, everlasting hope.

He weeps a single tear each midnight.

His boots are caked with dirt, from paths of earth he longs to never see again.

He’ll keep his eyes closed tightly.

His spirit cycles his emotions  
He is crushed  
He is whole


	12. BE PROUD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pride Baby!

Be yourself they said, so we tried.  
No. No. Not like that they screamed,  
Getting angry as they clawed at our identities,  
Ignoring the aftermath they’d left shredded in their wake.

We built our towers next to theirs, smaller but still there.  
Then they came knocking, they told us we had too much.  
That it wasn’t fair.

We had days, weeks, a month to celebrate.  
We looked at them and made clear their whole lives were their own  
And they weren’t entitled to ours.


	13. Are You A Lesbian?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively called "playing 20 questions in a club because someone wants to know if you want to fuck their friend even though you already said you weren't interested and this is the second time of the night you've been asked if you're a lesbian or if you're straight when you don't even identify as a woman. and like sure there are non-binary lesbians and they are GREAT! but also like...why the hell do people have this weird dichotomous idea about sexuality and gender?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise the flow, wording of some of this doesn't quite work, but also, true fucking story.

Are you a Lesbian? She asks,  
I know she’s asking for a friend,  
the pretty one watching me dance on a podium,  
with hunger in her eyes.  
It’s thrilling and yes I like her.  
I don’t want to stick me tongue down her throat.  
No. I say.

Are you straight? She asks,  
Trying to gauge me.  
Are you fucking kidding?  
The music is pounding in my ears  
Are you a Lesbian or are you straight?  
I’ve already been asked tonight  
No. I say.

Are you trans? She asks  
Ah, should have brought along the metaphorical powerpoint.  
I’m non-binary I say into her ear.  
What? what’s that.  
I’m not really either I say.

Are you bisexual? She asks,  
I wasn’t aware we were playing twenty questions.  
Maybe, I say.  
It’s not that I’m not, I’m not sure I am.  
It’s the word I used from fourteen.  
Maybe I need a new word.  
Maybe I don’t,  
Someone said I might be Pan.  
Someone else asked if I was Ace.  
I’m allowed to be unsure.  
People keep telling me so.

Do you like girls or boys better? She asks.  
I like people, I say.  
I think for a moment and lean forward,  
I like people’s personalities, I say.  
And leave to dance on a podium again  
So I don’t have to dance with other people


	14. The Greatest Story Ever Told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing, it's hard.

Fingers against the keyboard,  
And nothing is typed out.

The day before it was the pen,  
Clutched in a hand.

It was the ink and quill, the dusty chalk,  
The blood on fingertips of lovers and enemies alike.

It’s Eros and Eris and Ares.

It’s the oldest story we ever told,  
But you can’t hear it over a dagger you can’t see.

Not you collectively.

You right there, listening to the screaming.

You with confused eyes.

Who doesn’t understand as I’m carried away,  
On the back of someone else’s words.

Misinterpret.

You think I’ve said too much.  
I believe you’re missing the point

Backspace. Backspace. Erase.

I’ll start the story again for you.

Please try to keep up


	15. Two Minutes To Midnight, Anxiety Fuelled Words.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> read the title, expect the title.

There are bruises inside of me that hurt more than the ones I branded on my skin,  
And at three am when the world should be asleep  
I might do it all again.  
Sometimes, somethings fade and that’s okay,  
But fuck off. I’m not going to.  
I’ve got hair tight in my fingertips,  
And teeth clenched 'round my lips.  
I’ll calm down and breathe properly soon but at least I know I’m fucking real.


	16. A Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was gay and in love. Also space.

My love is the moon,  
Far away but easy to see.

My heart is the sun,  
Big and strong and bright.

My worship is the earth,  
I am beneath your feet.

My need is the stars,  
Constant and many.

I am a universe,  
Made up of you.


	17. Mild Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're struggling from depression, please seek help

**_You have mild depression,_**  
  
Your bones ache as they rattle inside your soul.   
  
Tell your doctor if symptoms persist over days, weeks.   
  
What about years?  
  
You’ve made friends with the dog lurking in your darkness.   
  
You feed it, Because you can’t let it starve,  
  
But sometimes you want to drown it.  
  
You want to drown that mangy mutt.  
  
And you think, what kind of monster am I?   
  
So you lie back and take it,   
  
Because the dog is not a dog, the dog is an ocean.   
  
The tide rises with the climate change.  
  
 _ **You have mild depression.**_


	18. I can't love you if you never speak to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I. Can't. Love. You. If. You. Never. Speak. TO. ME

The First Time,

You said you still liked me,  
You came bearing chocolate covered hearts  
And I swallowed them greedily  
Not caring about the poison I should have clearly seen.

A time after that one of us was a ghost  
I'm just not sure if it was you or me anymore.

You were shocked that I'd asked to be separated from you  
You were flickering in and out like a broken light globe  
How was I meant to trust anything you ever said.

I can't love you if you never speak to me.


	19. Rainbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard Of York, Gave Battle In Vain, or so I am told

Lips,  
Your jumper,  
Boots by the door,  
Glass of wine,  
A raging all-consuming fire.  
Passion,  
Desire.

Sticky amber tree sap,  
That fire calmed down,  
Sunset walks, hand in hand along the ocean sand,  
Cold nights in autumn,  
Spiced drinks.

Sunny Days,  
Discarded Flannel Shirt,  
Two Dollar Ice-cream,  
Bright, Bubbly,  
Off-putting, yet carefree  
The worship of Helios.

Mowed grass,  
Broken shackles,  
The people who said we weren't welcome here.  
The kitchen tiles,  
The meal I'll make for you here. 

Crashing waves,  
Endless sky,  
Late night dreams.  
Driving with the music so loud you can't hear your heartbeat.  
Encompassing sadness,  
The feeling of calm.

A child's head asleep on Selene's breast  
Elegant sweeping ball gowns,  
Time slowed as it trickles past.

The laughter of someone running through the streets  
The changing of the guard,  
The Equinoxe,  
Locked in repeat


End file.
